“The point is to prepare the kid for the road, instead of preparing the road for the kid,” -Julie Lythcott-Haims, the former dean of freshmen at Stanford University and author of "How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success."
We have reached a new level of parenting distinction: the snowplow (or lawn mower) parent: those who will ensure their child faces no obstacles in life. But for how long, and to what end? Read this shocking article in USA Today showing just how many parents continue to run their children's lives even through college and into adulthood. Parents - Let your children fail. It will be the single most important thing you do to help them. But parents are not the only ones to blame. Schools contribute to an obsession with grades and accolades to the extent that students care not about learning or growing, but about achieving and have become so afraid to not be exemplary, they are ruining their lives. This article in The Atlantic has taken a look at how the drive for success is breeding failure.
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Much has been read and discussed on the high-profile admissions scandals of 2019. But I wanted to share an article that I found particularly interesting. Forget for a moment the wit and antagonistic tone it takes to prove a point; it highlights specifically the reason I say that no real counselor will ever guarantee your child admission. Those that do so either do not know what they are talking about or are not playing by the rules.
But for my fellow counseling colleagues out there, there is a part that hits home, about when parents come in, do not take any advice, and throw a fit when their child is not accepted. When a child is accepted, it is because they are a genius; when they are denied, we (the counselor) must have done something wrong. It is a sad world we live in. They Had It Coming For those of you considering an independent counselor, be sure you understand what the person can do for you and what they cannot. I have been both a school counselor and an independent counselor and having seen both sides, there are serious limitations when working outside of schools. As independent counselors we do not have control or, nor sometimes information on, many aspects of the process, from school profile to letters of recommendation, grade distribution/rank historical admission data for that particular high school. Independent counselors can help with a few aspects of the admissions process, but not all. For a closer look at the key questions to ask, see this file before hiring someone. Should you go to a school where you will be one of many or one where you will shine? Every year I have students (and parents, mostly parents) who are dead certain that if they can get into the university in the USA with the biggest name, they will be set for life. I usually try to say something like, "So you think there are no CEOs of major companies that came from anywhere but the Ivy League?" but I am not sure they truly listen. But every once in a while, I have a student that wants to go to medical or law school, or get a Ph.D, and then I know I have hooked them. My bait is in just comparing a (likely unknown to most families) liberal arts college and compare it to a well-known Ivy League school. I say, "You want your best chance at medical school, where should you go? Hartwick or Harvard. They all say Harvard. And they are wrong. Malcolm Gladwell addressed this in his book, David and Goliath: Underdogs, Misfits, and the Art of Battling Giants, and presents it in the video below. I tell them, "Take a well-known medical school. Do you think they want the best student from Macalester or the worst from Harvard?" You know the answer but usually they are silent. "You need to be ranked high in your class to get into med school. You need research experience. Great letters of rec. Now, where are you going to get that? A place you shine, where the profs say you are the best in your year, or at a place where lots of people, maybe most people, are just as strong, if not stronger?" Look at the rates of students getting into their top choice program from some of the CTCL schools. It is impressive. If you want individual attention and a shot at your career dream, don't be fooled by big name brands; look at schools that will get you there. Next time you trust your doctor with your health, look at his/her undergraduate degree on the wall. My bet is that it is not from Harvard.
Now, this is not to say the Ivy League isn't for some people. I have former students who are doing just fine in those schools. Like any place, it needs to be a fit for you. But consider that just because you can get in, should you go? Will you be likely to take the next step after school? Are you at a higher risk for dropout or depression? Stats suggest that if you are towards the bottom of your class, you will be. Go to the school where you will reap the most of what they have to offer. Careers can face the same dilemma. Check out this story about the president of Cinnabon and how getting in at the right place at the right time can yield huge results. |
AuthorOlder blog posts were for the UCLA Ext course "Using the Internet for College Counseling" Archives
February 2023
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